For those who like an in depth story… I was born in LA on April 3rd, 1990 to my 2 immigrant parents from Mexico. I was the youngest of 4 children, making a total of 6 of us at home. My earliest memories were around 4 years old, where we called the ghettos of Colton our home near San Bernardino. My father was the only one working, while my mom took care of all of us and did the occasional babysitting job. It was a bit rough of an upbringing with my dad being angry and violent at times, especially after work or drinking, and that energy carrying through my mentally/emotionally traumatized mother and all of us… I now know that despite the hardships, they did what they could to provide and help with what they had or believed in.
Thankfully, because my sisters were the oldest they helped to raise my mental and emotional intelligence the best they could with little regard to age appropriate learning (which actually turned out well and gave me awareness to the feminine energies and certain social realities). I was an awkward loner at school and often got bullied for my way of filterless thinking and acting, as well as my appearances. I would be a little too honest with my feelings, even to a girl I had a crush on from kinder until 6th grade, but I never felt wrong about it until others forced their critical or hostile influences. Either because of that horrible loneliness or emotional nature I had with life, I felt deeply connected to the spiritual world…
Having been raised catholic, I focused on God with full faith and vivid imagination. Visualizing how powerful and graceful this divine creator was and is. Despite how ugly the world could be I knew in my heart it wasn’t his will so much as ours to allow it to be in such a damaged state.
And in my mind I had some friends I could play with in this imaginative realm, where no one told me that friends aren’t real or have any reason to fight based on appearances… looking back now, some of those friends were a bit ghastly, mystical, and realistic. I believe that in that pure state of mind I could perceive spirits and angels, even demons. My sisters likely added fuel to that while we all played a makeshift ouija board as kids, luckily without major incident. Though somewhere along the way (probably in my confusing teenage years) the connection blurred and became a sensation of presence, rather than perception.
My family moved in 2002 for a better environment and opportunity for education and work to the canyon city of Azusa. I aimed desperately to make friends and even changed my style to fit in, but I still had an awkward and eccentric way about me, so naturally I was targeted by those who were uncomfortable with unknown aspects. I realized after years of dealing with bullies and bitter minds, no matter how many things you try or change there will always be someone who unreasonably chooses not to like something about you (sometimes to an extreme). I slowly worked the nerve to stand up to that injustice, and had my first fight in middle school. The strangest thing, sometime after a few awkward exchanges I blacked out from being hit in the head, but when I came to I was still on my feet and the fight was broken up by a teacher. I felt no pain, even after the shock was over. While the bully was shaking nonstop and complaining about his hands. I can’t tell you why, but I would look over at him and felt no hatred or anything of the like. Even then, I understood his life had been and would be far worse than mine. And somehow I had been protected from any of that pain…
It was around this same time, I had discovered the most creative and natural outlet for me. Poetry. Haikus were the first thing I had ever written in my 7th grade English class. My teacher had been one of the rare passionate educators; that made all the difference in truly setting the foundation for a lifelong hobby and purpose. Shortly after, I had written my first poem after an overwhelming situation at home, in honor of the healing and humble moon. I believe this to be a major turning point in the development of my mind and soul. Where as emotions spilled out
without filter, they would take form and chisel away at the chaff within and throughout, in order to reveal the base of interconnected strings tying all living things. And this of course, growing to cosmic and universal proportions, at rate of 1 to 3 poems a day… I wrote at this frequency for years before slowing down and changing up my style with more current influences and sources of inspiration.
In high school, I was the wildest version of myself. Somewhere in between authentic, slightly confident, and strangely stimulating. The bullies were more extreme, but luckily I had learned to diffuse them to a certain extent, thanks to the situations at home and in public… In honesty, I’d preach more than I’d practice of my soulful beliefs. But all the while trying to have fun and share love, however it may have appeared. My intentions were never to harm, but as imperfect as we are, it is bound to happen – hopefully without extreme damage. One experience that shaped me further in the direction I am now was theater. It allowed me to live in the shoes of others, from different timelines and cultures. In the end, I had gone through about a dozen screenplays. And I had felt the unique emotions and mentalities of each character, even in my amateur talents. That progression of empathy only strengthened the bonds I had made with friends and family, and it brought along understanding of all the connections that had been lost or weakened.
After high school, I was lost in a whole new way. Part of me felt as a kid again, knowing little of this new world. My main pursuit was a developed sense of love, without physicality as a priority, brought to light by an unfortunate incident of a miscarriage at 17 … I had managed to build the skill to turn almost any negative into a positive, if not understand the value of both. But in this production based culture, the soul’s abilities are often put on a back burner. Needless to say, I failed constantly with general education and career efforts. Holding onto my faith in spite of it all, I was blessed to come across the conservation corps after I desperately moved to my old colton house thanks to the generosity of my father. I met a myriad of wonderful souls and fragile egos, that furthered my understanding of all of us as a whole regardless of differences and struggles. Withstanding all kinds of external extremities and exposures, my humble body and mind were forged to be stronger and tolerant. This led me to where I am now… employed by the state, moved to a healthy home surrounded by love with my better half, and most importantly creating deeper to fulfill this profound purpose that has always been in me and in so many more of us than is appreciated but truly necessary!
I thank you for taking your time to follow along to this point in the present. The gratitude of the universe is with all of you who take the step towards healing anything that ails us as individuals and whole. And may we be able to cooperate and give support to each other, however that may be in love and light, even in shadow… blessed be, in this life and the next my soul kin!!